My Breastfeeding Journey
Due to complications during labour with my eldest daughter I ended up having an emergency caesarean ssection under general anesthetic and we were separated for 24 hours.  When I finally got to spend time with her, she was being fed with a nasogastric tube and wasn’t particularly interested in latching on.
I felt that there was no support from the staff; no one offered to spend time with me watching my attempt at feeding. The staff, wishing to let me rest, took my baby every night and I was given a pump and told to express 6-8 times in the day and I also pumped milk at night.  I can remember taking my 20ml of milk to the fridge through the night.  I hadn’t seen an electric pump before, especially not a double one, and I felt like a cow being milked! And I can guarantee that every time I started to express, I would get interrupted by doctors coming to see me. Obviously, there was hardly any milk, but I didn’t have a clue what to expect as my knowledge of breastfeeding was limited to the fact that it was best and I wanted to try it.
Suffice to say, I didn’t succeed.  I felt under pressure because she hadn’t latched on well, wasn’t interested and in this vulnerable state I caved in and fed her formula milk. 
This whole experience left me feeling that I had been cheated and that I had failed my daughter, but I also felt angry that the professionals who had communicated to me that breast was best did not deliver the support and back-up of this message once my child was born. 
When I found out I was pregnant again I felt determined that I was going to breastfeed this time and I did feed my second daughter for 11 weeks, although I had my fair share of cracked, painful, scabby bleeding nipples. Oh, if only I knew then what I know now, I could have saved my nipples a lot of strife!! 
I was never very abundant in the milk supply area and before I had to go back to work I gave up. I resented this but felt I had no option. It was also around this time that I had to face up to the fact that I was suffering from post-natal depression (PND). This was certainly not something I wanted to admit to myself, let alone to my friends and family.  
If I had known about the peer support groups would it have changed things? I’m not sure, but I would like to think that it would have helped. I suppose I can answer the question to a certain degree. 
When I gave birth to my last child, my aim was to breastfeed him for longer than 3 months. I was acutely aware of PND and the warning signs of it reoccurring.
My eldest child was starting school and in the playground one of the mums came up to me and asked if I was breastfeeding as she had seen the NCT wristband that I was wearing. I said I was and she asked if I knew about the local support group. As a matter of fact I had seen it on the Sure Start monthly newsletter and the midwife had mentioned it to me that week. I went along and met new people who were like-minded, picked up a few new tricks when it came to breastfeeding, and just found it a really nice way to spend a few hours chatting and having a cuppa.  
I feel that going to the group increased my desire to continue breastfeeding and added to my convictions that breastfeeding my son was the best thing I could be doing for his well-being. When I found out that I could become a peer supporter I jumped at the chance.   The more that I learned about the protection and benefits that breast milk provided, the more I was determined to breastfeed my son past a year so that he needn’t have formula.  As a result I breastfed my son for 14 months, carrying on feeding despite returning to work at 6 months, no PND and now have a fantastic opportunity to support and help breastfeeding mums in the area through my new job as a staff nurse for breastfeeding. 
If there is a moral to the story, I suppose it is that if I had known a little more about breastfeeding before my first child, I might have persevered with breastfeeding and pushed to get more support. The fact that I went to a support group with my third and felt supported and found out more about the benefits, I believe helped me to continue breastfeeding.
Claire Varey

Hi, I am Kath (26) and proud mother of Owen aged 3 and Maxwell 6 months.
I am 1 of 3 children and none of us were breastfed.
I have never been surrounded by breastfeeding mothers and assumed that most babies were fed formula milk. When I became pregnant with Owen I was very open minded about the way in which I would feed him and was happy to give breastfeeding a try.
I became more aware of the benefits of breastmilk as my pregnancy progressed and realised that there were actually many more mum's choosing to breastfeed than I had realised. By the time Owen was due to be born I really wanted to give him breast milk and assumed it would all happen naturally and there would be no problems.
I was so sure that I would be breastfeeding him that I didn't buy any bottles or formula milk and had even arranged to meet up with one of the mum's at Bosom Buddies following the arrivals!
When Owen arrived 3 weeks early following a long and tiresome induced labour, I was relieved to have my baby feeding from me and glad that he was here safe and sound. By the time I was transferred to the maternity ward I was feeling so ill and weak that I pretty much begged the midwives to take Owen so I could have some rest. Which they did. I knew that they would be feeding him formula during the night but I also assumed that I would be able to take over with breastfeeding the following morning when I had some rest!
When I woke the next morning Owen was in his bed beside me. I couldn't even sit up without feeling faint so was unable to lift him to feed him. I really struggled to feed him and had to ask for help lifting him in and out of his bed and also with getting him to latch on. I wasn't finding it easy at all and was suddenly realising that things were not going to be as plain sailing as I had imagined!
The Paediatrician then detected a problem with Owen's eye and arranged for him to be examined at another hospital in the district by a specialist, things were just getting worse! Finally the staff realised that I myself needed some medical attention when I was still unable to sit up and looked so ill! I had lost 1.5 litres of blood during labour and had a 2nd degree cut!
So, the following day I was parted from my new born. Still not having mastered breastfeeding and stuck on a drip having a blood transfusion!
By the time Darren and my Mum arrived back with Owen he had been fed 2 formula feeds (obviously I was unable to express anything at such an early stage). They came back with the news that Owen could possibly have a Retinoblastoma (eye cancer) and from there on I just gave up the will and determination to breastfeed. I just wanted him to live!!!!!!!!!!
24 hours later we went by ambulance to another hospital for another specialists' opinion on Owen's eye where he was diagnosed with having a Congenital Cataract. We were all so relieved that he didn't have a tumour, we actually felt lucky!
We spent 2 more days on the maternity ward trying to establish breastfeeding but It just wasn't happening for us. So I finally accepted that he was going to be formula fed and we went home.

Once Owen and I had some time to bond (It was impossible in the first 5 days) we then ventured out to the post-natal group where we met up with all the mum's that we met in anti-natal classes.
I had come to terms with not breastfeeding (so much else going on with Owen at this point) but hadn't thought about how I would feel being around breastfeeding mum's. I felt ashamed and disappointed with myself and almost like a liar...I had told them how I planned to breastfeed and worried that I wouldn't fit in or be part of the group now that I was bottle feeding.
I even planned Owen's feeding time so that I didn't have to get out the dreaded bottle and flask infront of all these wonderful, natural, breastfeeding new mum's!
I soon realised that how I fed my baby had no influence on what my new friends thought of me and I was as much a part of the group as the rest.
But what my failure to breastfeed Owen did give me, was the determination to breastfeed Max 2 and a half years later!
I have never been so proud to say that I am a breastfeeding mother and I love it!
I now have much more knowledge about the benefits of breastfeeding which fuelled my determination even more.
I also feel that I have had much more support this time from medical staff, friends and family which helps a lot!
I really love the bond that you get from sharing breastfeeding with your baby and also feel very proud of myself for giving it a good go despite having hit so many barriers with my first baby.

The more I learn about breastfeeding and the benefits, the more I enjoy doing it. My only regret it not breastfeeding Owen.
But I am so happy that I went on to have another baby and have been able to experience breastfeeding. I get upset at the thought that I may have never had this wonderful experience if I didn't have another baby and don't think I could accept not having another child to be able to experience it all over again some day!

Oh, and I DID manage to meet up with the same mummy at Bosom Buddies, only second time around!!!! But I did!
xxxx

Happy breastfeeding!

Kath

After having fed Ella and transferred over to ward 10 my nipples were quite sore, so the next feed asked one of the midwives for some help, all she did was grab my boob and shove it in Ella mouth and that was that.
Another feed later, the same problem, again i asked for help and again it was grab and shove.

I went home later that day with sore nipples but just thought its like getting a new pair of shoes, they need breaking in.

With each feed i was getting more and more sore, and by the next day i was in extreme pain.
When the community midwives came to visit i asked for help, this time i was shown how to latch Ella on, instead of the grab and shove method the hospital used.
Although i was in quite a lot of pain, it was much more comfortable to feed, and within the day id mastered it.
(it would have been so easy to give up because of the pain, but i carried on as i wanted the best for Ella and within about a week the sore, cracked. bleeding nipples had gone)

When Ella was 4 days old i was sat feeding her and she gave me a look that made me cry, the little baby in my arms was my baby, id grown her inside of me, she was totally reliant on me, i was so happy.
Then a couple of hours later all that feeling was shattered.
My mother in law and sister in law came to visit.
When they walked in i was sat feeding Ella, and heard them whispering to each other that they were not going to get to see Ella. The next thing i knew, they walked out of the house slamming the door behind them.
i jut sat there gob smacked. (obviously they had not come to see me and i didn't exist anymore)
As it was new years eve, and we are not the type of people to go to bed on an argument, and after several refusals to speak to us over the phone, we went to sort it out.

Because i was breast feeding my daughter when they arrived, i wasn't giving anyone else chance to hold her, and i should bottle feed so that someone else could get to spend some time with her.
i was made to feel guilty for giving my child the best start in life.

I know that i hadn't done anything wrong, but that was how they made me feel.
Every time i fed Ella id sit and cry, i fed her because it was a necessity, and didn't enjoy any of what should have been such a special time.
When we were at the in laws house, id feel on edge, and hoped Ella wouldn't need a feed (and when she did i was asked to leave the room, it felt like i was being punished for breastfeeding) Although i could talk to Carl and my side of the family, some days i felt desperate.

Then at Ella's first hv appointment another blow.
i was told she wasn't gaining enough weight and advised to give a top up of formula. (which i haven't done and she putting on weight)

Then i found the support group. (thanks Becky)

Ella is now 4 months old, and im still breast feedingr.

Even though i came up against, physical difficulties with breast feeding, arguments with hv over breast feeding, "family issues" over breast feeding, im still determined to carry on. (im even becoming a peer supporter)

thanks for reading my experience, i hope it will inspire other mums to carry on, no matter what you come up against.

Hello to all mums,
I've just started my peer support training and it's been nice to hear everyone's experiences. So now we have at long last got with the times and got the INTERNET at my house, I can share my experience with you all!
I have one son Elliot who will be 9 months at the end of April. Listening to everyone else made me realise that I could quite easily have missed out on such a wonderful experience, because unlike everyone else I didn't think right I'm pregnant and will breastfeed my child. I'd only ever known of two people breastfeed and only saw one of them actually breastfeeding.
I really did have mixed feelings and everyone I mentioned breastfeeding to gave such a surprised reaction like I'd just invented it.
I remember the excitement I had. My first appointment to see the midwife was finally here. All was going well then came the question of feeding. I really wasn't sure which way I was going to feed my baby. That's when it all changed after a very abrupt reply to everything I said about feeding I suddenly realised how can you say you don't want to do something when you've never experienced it, so although the midwife was rather sharp I realise now that all she was doing was promoting what is BEST!!!!!
Listening to others I feel I've had it quite easy. I'm loving that closeness you get with your baby and felt rather sad the other day as Elliot has cut a feed out so I'm only doing 3 feeds now. However, my home cooking is going down a treat! You can't have it all ways and can't keep them babies forever.
If there was one thing I could tell every new mum to try it would most definitely be to give breastfeeding a go!!! I never thought I'd feel so strongly about something; it is the most wonderful thing in the world.

I am currently feeding my third baby ( there is a 3 year then 2 year gaps between them). I have /am breastfed all of them and intend to continue with my current baby boy. I've had sore cracked nipples where I have grabbed onto the side of the bed while feeding but, the best news is it does get better. So far (touch wood) I've had no problems but its still good to know your not alone. My parents moan about me breastfeeding as well I only see them once or twice a year and I still get the 'if you'd give them bottles we could keep them for the weekend.' or 'none of the kids will come to us because you've breastfed and so they are tied to your apron strings.' However I know ,as do you all, that I/we are doing the very best for our children and its tough luck on everyone else.
Thanks for listening
Emma